Miscarriage

I had to ask the doctor more than once

To make sure that I understood what she said

You have an early pregnancy failure

No emotion

Straightforward as if I were diagnosed with a cold

She continued to tell me the next steps

Acting like a procedure or pill to handle the rest of the process was nothing

No more baby shower ideas

No more baby names

No more talking to my baby

No more belly rubbing

I was making sure my baby was eating good even when I felt nauseous 

I was making sure that my baby was listening to good music and TV shows

My photoshoot plans shut down

My body shut down

I'm 30

I was ready to be a mother

But the father was giving me hell 

I feel like this is what led to my miscarriage 

A blessing in disguise

God knew I couldn't even co-parent

With a man that has no empathy

A man that told me more than once that I wasn't pregnant

That I was making this up

A man that told everyone he was going to be a father

But didn't tell them how he wasn't supporting me throughout my pregnancy 

Didn't genuinely check up on me in person

Didn't make sure I was eating

Didn't take care of me when I was sick

Just continuously argued with me over the phone

Telling me about the other woman

Making me feel like I was in this alone

I was at least six weeks

And I wasn't ready to tell everyone

Because of this reason

I act like I'm strong

But I'm not

I feel like everything is going wrong